Wasted effort

Assalamualaikum. Setelah berminggu tak stay back lama sampai Isya' di kantor, hari nih ditakdir kan untuk stay back. Terpaksa lepaskan girlfriend balik dulu, and she gotta pick me up once I reach LRT Pandan Indah.

Tiredness strikes me back. I could feel that blood in brain (ehh ada ke blood in brain) doesn't circulate well. Yelaaa perut tidak terisi.

What did I do today till I am so bloodless and soulless? Nahh, over. I did nothing. Just lame work that I supposed to do. Cuma yg penat bila kejar deadline and once presented to the manager, kena reject. And of course, Re-do lah. Ntah berapa kali. Till he excused himself to go back first. Luckily haha. But tomorrow, gonna be hectic, I guess.

Then I start to ponder one thing. Despite how many effort I ve sacrificed to give the best outcome to my manager, but yet he still reject whenever he feels like to. Without even care how much effort I ve put in. Doesn't it mean that everything I did before the accepted outcome is a waste? And the answer is Yes. Absolutely yes. If the rejected outcome is on the paper, it ll be a recycled paper or a filling in dustbin. Nampak tak how unmeaningful nya kerja kau tuh?

Time tgh pondering tuh, tetiba terdetik sendiri (ada pulak nak terdetik beramai ramai lol), selama nih effort yg aku korban kan untuk ke jalan Allah apa lah sangat. Yet aku dah rasa macam, 'cukup lah tuh. Sekurangnya aku buat dah.' Walhal aku tak pasti pun either amal yg aku buat tuh diterima ke tak. Alhamdulillah Allah Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang segala usaha yang telah dilakukan tak pernah jadi sia sia since Allah tak pandang outcome semata. Baikkan Allah :) Usaha-yang-tak-akan-dihargai-manusia mungkin akan jadi salah satu pemberat neraca amalan. Cuma jangan lupa untuk angkut Ikhlas bersama. W'Alam.

Time to sleep. Wasalam.

Ajarkan hati ini lapang

Assalamualaikum. Jujur tak mudah untuk didik hati sendiri agar berlapang dada. Lebih lagi untuk berlapang dada di atas kegembiraan orang lain. Astaghfirullah, hati masih berkeladak.

Siapalah aku untuk mempersoal kan qada' qadar Allah? Dia yang atur kan sekian sekian perkara. Setiap aturan-Nya tak pernah salah kan.

Cuma untuk insan yang iman nya tipis macam aku nih, sungguh lah struggle untuk pujuk hati agar redha dan Berlapang dada dengan segala yang telah ditentu kan.

We thought our plan is the best for our path, but we forgot that Allah also has planned something better for us. Indeed His plan is the best-est.

Kuatkan hati, wahai diri. Moga aku hanya tercorot dari sudut penilaian manusia. Tidak dari sudut penilaian penduduk Langit mahu pun pandangan Allah.

Believe in faith. La tahzan, اللّه معنا.

Penat Tapi Puas

Assalamualaikum. Alhamdulillah selesai lah sudah minggu ketiga bekerja. And this week is the first week of working life for girlfriend. Kesian dia penat. Tak dinafikan, in my first week pun, self motivation sangat lah tipis sampai one time rasa nak give up. Menangis jangan cakap lah haha. Cuma my first week was alone since girlfriend takde di sisi, so byk merengek kat Ibu. Ibu is being Ibu. Setiap patah kata yg Ibu cakap, Ibu akan relate to Allah. Senang cakap, back to Allah. And Alhamdulillah, I survived.

Nak dijadikan cerita pagi tadi, we went to LRT by separate cars sebab I had a dinner date with my new friend yg masuk as Management Trainee jugak but different department. Surprisingly, she already resigned. That's why kena dinner date to have further chat, tapi last min cancel. Ehh, nak cerita kat sini bukan pasal dinner date. Nak cakap, yg pagi tuh time on the way ke LRT, terdengar lagu Jangan Menangis Habibah kat radio. Bait bait nya,

Kemari sini Habibah
Lepaskan gundah gulana
Izinkanku mendengar
Resah jangan terus dibiar

Jangan menangis Habibah
Penatmu itu ibadah
Isteri yang taat setia
Syahidlah ganjarannya

Teladanilah wahai wanita
Betapa tabah Siti Khadijah
Luhurnyahebatnya Fatimah
Teladanilah wahai wanita
Selautan ilmu Siti Aisyah
Kudusnya taqwanya Rabiatul Adawiyah

Since aku nih jenis suka melayan lirik instead of lagu (sentimental haha), I found the lirik sungguh menusuk kalbu. On point! Terpujuk sat hati wanita nih. Wanita sangat haha. But serius lah, part yang dia relate kan dgn Srikandi Srikandi Islam tuh, terus rasa macam sentap sendiri.

Aku nih baru diuji dengan kesuntukan masa untuk diri sendiri, kesibukan yang sedikit, kena tegur dengan senior manager, dah merengek mengada. Jauh nya perjalanan nak capai tahap wanita solehah macam nih. Sobs.

Alhamdulillah every Friday, surau Public Bank akan ada kelas AlQuran. Walaupun berbulatan dengan akak akak yg baya Ibu, tetap rasa seronok. Walaupun akak akak tuh semua strangers at first but I feel secured. Totally secured. Yelaa, kalau kita tak mampu nak jadi yg solehah, dapat duduk dlm liqa macam tuh pun rasa nikmat dah.

Semalam habis kelas pun dah pukul 7pm. Lepas Maghrib baru gerak dari office. Rezeki, ada akak tumpang kan sampai ke LRT where I parked my car. WaAllahi tak kenal pun akak tuh before nih, but aturan Allah menemu kan macam dah kenal lama. Sampai rumah dalam pukul 8.30pm. Penat memang penat. Tapi puas. Mungkin sebab kau tahu yg penat kali nih bukan penat yg sia sia.

Terasa rindu zaman di mana tiap kali balik rumah dah kena bersiap utk usrah, then hujung minggu ada rehlah, mukhayam, jaulah. Terisi sangat masa yang ada. Teringat kata kata Buya Hamka, kalau kita bekerja semata bekerja, kera dihutan pun bekerja. So, how we want to differentiate ourselves with Kera? Simpan jawapan sendiri ye.

Moga kita semua diberi kekuatan utk terus beramal. Allah yuftah 'alaina. W'Alam.

Didikan Allah

Assalamualaikum. Now I am still otw back home. In the train. Third train Alhamdulillah. At 8.46PM. Today was totally exhausted. Tambah penat bila aku kena swap job task dgn the other senior trainee.

Yang menjadi penat nya ialah bila kena deal dengan senior boss. My boss yg kurang senior, he is totally kind, open to discussion, nak tegur org pun bil hikmah. He is a non-Muslim. Perhaps yet. Tapi my senior boss is the opposite of him. Totally opposite. TOTALLY ye.

Okay sat. Nak drive balik rumah.
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Hahaha, ampun. Sampai rumah semalam terus collapsed. Nih meanwhile waiting for the train baru ada mood nak sambung.

Lagi best tadi balik, tak tunggu senior boss since I was in hurry. Yelaaa dah janji dgn org nak dinner sama. Janji kot. Tak nak lah jadi munafik. So tomorrow bersiap sedia lah to face kemarahan dia. MashaAllah mohon doa.

Okay back to topic. Lately nih, since so many happened in sudden, aku macam wonder kenapa it happened. To me. In my first week, macam dah lega lah jugak since aku kena deal dgn junior boss jea walaupun kesian nya dengan trainee sorang lagi yg selalu kena marah dgn senior boss. Then on my first day of second week suddenly being told aku kena swap task. He will cover my task. I ll take over his task and deal with the senior boss.

Apart from the journey to go work, to face the boss is now my addition struggle. Moga Allah lunak kan hati nya utk berlemah lembut dgn aku. Tak dinafikan, aku a lil bit kasar, tapi kalau kena sergah menitis jugak lah air mata. Hati tisu kenod help.

Indeed, all these difficulties won't happen kalau Allah tak izin kan, kan? Kira Allah has better plan to me. Bersangka baik. Mungkin dengan selalu deal dgn senior boss, aku lagi tough to face reality yang mana unpredictable. Baik dari segi environment, atau perangai org. Mungkin jugak a platform supaya aku no longer manja dengan dunia. Since nak masuk syurga Allah kan mahal maharnya. Kalau selalu dibelai, ditatap, dilimpah dengan nikmat dunia, what makes me feel appreciate to enter syurga nanti.

Pepatah Melayu pun ada cakap, 'bersusah dahulu, bersenang kemudian.' Yeahh, so now is the susah part Izzati. Allah knows His creature well.

Whatever is, cakap mudah. To act, is the other thing. Mohon diberi kekuatan melalui hari hari yg mendatang. W'Alam.

Qudwah

Assalamualaikum. Selamat berhujung minggu. Alhamdulillah, cukup lah 4 hari sudah mencebur diri dlm alam baru. Pekerjaan. Tapi post nih takde lah nak sembang pasal kerja since I feel quite upset to this issue. Nahhh, maybe I am expecting too much. Tapi biasa lah, I guess.

Qudwah. Atau bahasa melayu nya, contoh. When it comes to examples, of course lah it relates to People. Given some situations as examples.

#1 Seseorang yang mana setiap minggu tak pernah miss Usrah, program atau majlis ilmu. Tapi kata kata yg sering keluar dari ulas bibirnya, aib aib orang lain.

#2 Seseorang yang punya tinggi ilmu agama, physically menjaga batasan pergaulan tapi secara maya (sosial media), FAIL. This is really upsetting. Why? Because I ve so many experience or real situations or people nearby me yg macam they seem know nothing about IKHTILAT. Especially Man.

I know I should not judge. But if it is so obvious, I am human though, indeed utk orang yg biasa mesti diorg akan macam, "Ala sekolah agama pun ikhtilat ke laut." "Huffaz pun mencarut" and the dialogues go on. Memang, even huffaz pun manusia and tak maksum. Tapi normal people punya expectations kat awak is different. Amanah weh. Amanah supaya kau tak jadikan agama suci Allah sebagai fitnah.

What I terkilan the most is relate to Ikhtilat. Which I am struggling as well to take care of it. Mmg tak mudah. Tapi itu lah mujahadah kita. Indeed, aku fikir kalau dengan semua orang (yang lain jantina), seseorang itu boleh beramah mesra dengan emoji hati di mulut atau anything yg I don't think it is proper to give, don't u feel u re cheap? Sorry but yes I am judging. Bcos what is left for your future partner? And what makes him/her special than anyone else? Betul lah ibu cakap, too much disclosure or exposure about yourself, there will be less surprises to your partner.

Mainan syaitan tuh waAllahi licik, halus and kotor. Plus, dia tahu kelemahan kita tang mana. So shall we follow him as friend or fight him as enemy? Simpan jawapan sendiri. Yes, everyone has their own battle and please be tough. May Allah grant each of us a strong and sound heart.

Upset,
Me.