If I was given a choice, I chose not to grow. It hurts. Indeed, I did have a dream to die before I grow (or in other words, baligh) so I can have express ticket to Jannah. I sound loser kan, but it is the truth.
I guess now is the peak phase for me in growing as adult (sounds tua, i is sad). And again it hurts. Where u re still coping and adopting with the new environment, new routine, new commitment, new responsibility, and the list continues.
Sorry, I may spread sadness or negative vibes. But it is not wrong to be sad kan. Fitrah kot. This week (eh ke starting from last month lagi) my emotion is so unstable. Upside down. This week is the worse, wish I hope in upcoming weeks, I ll be eased.
Since my roomate went to a course, so it worsens the mood. If I am a toddler, I ve been cranky for this few days, haha. Serius nih. Macam mood budak turn on haha. Tadi bercipika-bercipiki dgn seorang makcik nih pun rasa macam bunga bunga, lol. Lacking of attention gilaaaaa (tampar diri sendiri)
Tadi during class, came across a verse from which Surah I forgot (will update once jumpa balik insyaAllah). Ayat nya lebih kurang, Allah memberi kehinaan kepada orang yg Dia kehendaki. Dan juga beri kemuliaan kepada org yg kehendaki.
Life cycle kita as human kan macam roda. Ada masa kat atas, we may menghina/hurt other people, and ada masa jugak kita di bawah, being hurt/humiliated. Tapi kan takde satu pun yg berlaku dlm Dunia nih tanpa izin-Nya, thus atas izin-Nya, it happened whatever it has been happened. Haaa, confuse kan my ayat. Ampun haha.
Sokay weak human (I am referring to myself),
He said: Fear not, surely I am with you both: I do hear and see. [20:46]
Plus, tanpa few wounds or scratches, u won't appreciate or feel blessed ur later achievement. Mungkin jugak a way, untuk lebih mendidik diri agar lebih bergantung harap pada tempat yg sepatutnya. We don't know, hikmah Allah tuh luas. Sebab tuh lah memerlukan hati yang besar jugak utk nampak setiap kejadian yg berlaku bil hikmah. Gittew.
May the force be with me, and you 🌸
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