Side effect

Assalamualaikum. Cerita seram ringkas, esok Isnin. Nangis. Dah nak masuk minggu minggu terakhir bulan Oktober sudah. Did everything go well, so far? Tahniahh if yes.

I am writing this post after having an instant noodle as my lunch. Since, my girlfriend pun takde, nak masak utk seorang makan tuh macam tak berbaloi jea effort memotong semua haha. Luckily I have two packs of maggi sbb one of em dah kena serbu dgn semut. Semut is cruel, sobs.

Nak dijadikan cerita time tgh makan tuh pun, otak nih non-stop thinking. Serius, tak boleh tolong (read: can't help). What I thought was the side effect of consuming instant food. Aku nih acah acah healthy eater (dgn tak makan instant food, too oily SANGAT). Tapi benda lain rembat jea haha. Kalau makan tuh, kira macam dah no choice lah.

Sama lah jugak kisah untuk lunch tadi, (I know I ve choice tapi tapi *kuis kaki*). So sambil makan tuh, I pray that there ll be no side effect after eating this haha. Then tetiba teringat lah conversation between me and officemate; either to consume medication or inject jea. She asked me, which one I prefer. And I prefer to be injected. Aku tak suka lah terikat dgn ubat. That's why. Inject sekali kan senang. Her response was like, "Berani nya. Tak takut side effect? Tapi makan ubat pun ada side effect jugak."

Haa, here we goes. Cliché nya kita as human mudah sgt ter-influence dgn side effect. Consume vitamin nih takut nanti gemuk. Minum air nih nanti tak boleh tidur malam lah dan seterusnya. Tak salah. Sungguh, berhati hati itu bagus. Cuma, kita tak pernah pun (mungkin pernah lah) fikir side effect that may harm us from of our doings/action we took.

Contoh mudah, kita tahu manusia tuh sifatnya lemah. Kita tahu manusia tuh pun hamba jugak kan. Tapi kenapa masih meletak sesuatu harapan pada tempat yg tak sepatut nya? Kita tahu manusia sifatnya mudah berbolak balik, yang mana at the end akan menghampakan kita. Tapi kita masih kann. Instead berharap kat Allah, kita lebih mudah berharap kat manusia. (Lebih memarahi diri sendiri)

"Ketahuilah, seandainya seluruh umat bersatu utk memberikan kamu suatu keuntungan, maka hal itu tidak akan kamu peroleh selain daripada apa-apa yg Allah tetapkan untukmu.

Walaupun mereka bersatu utk membahayakanmu, maka hal itu tidak akan membahayakanmu kecuali apa yg telah Allah tetapkan untuk dirimu."

[Hadis Riwayat Al-Tarmizi]

Nahh, sudah terang lagi bersuluh kan. Manusia tuh hanya perantara jea. Yang menentukan rezeki kita, yang menggerakkan hati seseorang, yang melembutkan hati boss, yang memudahkan perjalanan semuanya berpunca dari Yang Mencipta.

I came across a tweet;

If a heart becomes attached to other than Allah, Allah makes him dependent on what he is attached to & he will be betrayed by it.

Sedih kan. Moga hati yang satu nih kembali kepada asal nya. Letak sesuatu dalam penjagaan Allah lebih selamat, kan. Senyum.

Allah yuftah alaina. Satu mujahadah, tak mudah 💪

Growing is painful

If I was given a choice, I chose not to grow. It hurts. Indeed, I did have a dream to die before I grow (or in other words, baligh) so I can have express ticket to Jannah. I sound loser kan, but it is the truth.

I guess now is the peak phase for me in growing as adult (sounds tua, i is sad). And again it hurts. Where u re still coping and adopting with the new environment, new routine, new commitment, new responsibility, and the list continues.

Sorry, I may spread sadness or negative vibes. But it is not wrong to be sad kan. Fitrah kot. This week (eh ke starting from last month lagi) my emotion is so unstable. Upside down. This week is the worse, wish I hope in upcoming weeks, I ll be eased.

Since my roomate went to a course, so it worsens the mood. If I am a toddler, I ve been cranky for this few days, haha. Serius nih. Macam mood budak turn on haha. Tadi bercipika-bercipiki dgn seorang makcik nih pun rasa macam bunga bunga, lol. Lacking of attention gilaaaaa (tampar diri sendiri)

Tadi during class, came across a verse from which Surah I forgot (will update once jumpa balik insyaAllah). Ayat nya lebih kurang, Allah memberi kehinaan kepada orang yg Dia kehendaki. Dan juga beri kemuliaan kepada org yg kehendaki.

Life cycle kita as human kan macam roda. Ada masa kat atas, we may menghina/hurt other people, and ada masa jugak kita di bawah, being hurt/humiliated. Tapi kan takde satu pun yg berlaku dlm Dunia nih tanpa izin-Nya, thus atas izin-Nya, it happened whatever it has been happened. Haaa, confuse kan my ayat. Ampun haha.

Sokay weak human (I am referring to myself),

He said: Fear not, surely I am with you both: I do hear and see. [20:46]

Plus, tanpa few wounds or scratches, u won't appreciate or feel blessed ur later achievement. Mungkin jugak a way, untuk lebih mendidik diri agar lebih bergantung harap pada tempat yg sepatutnya. We don't know, hikmah Allah tuh luas. Sebab tuh lah memerlukan hati yang besar jugak utk nampak setiap kejadian yg berlaku bil hikmah. Gittew.

May the force be with me, and you 🌸

Can't cope

Assalamualaikum.

It just 27th August. But I am praying hard that upcoming September gonna be fine and smooth. Too many 'unexpected' things happened in this month. Koyak. In out.

I don't even know how to end it or to put everything in its place. It just teribble and mess in that way. And I am blank. Totally blank to figure it out.

Dear self,
Allah knows ur struggle. Keep surviving and put ur trust and hope ONLY to Allah.
He's the One who put u in the circumstances though, thus surely He has better plan for u.
Don't ever let urself to question Allah.

"If u thank, Allah gives more." Remember?

I did annoy to myself for being so weak, (this month is worse). Baru dicuit sikit, dah duduk tersungkur. Tak semegah nama. I hate this, like a lot! Such a loser, me.

For every difficulties, there will be ease. Cuma at the moment to be patient is not an easy task, told you.

Lumrah manusia, we keep counting our problems instead of our blessing. Walhal byk jea nikmat yg Allah turut sisip kan. Cth nya, officemates treat lunch, dinner, drink, casing hp haa. Maka nikmat apa lagi yg kau dustakan wahai diri?!

To reflect, this may be one way Allah wants to grab u back near to Him. Kan hari tuh kata menjauh kan. Nih Allah nak tarik dekat, mengomel pulak. Nak kena azan dia nih ish ish. And ouhh, the comfort fact is, u know yg Allah sayang u ☺☺. Ya hanani hee.

Akhirukalam, moga bulan bulan yg mendatang lebih baik dari hari nih. May Allah ease our daily task and challenges. W'Alam.
(Spreading loves)

I am sick

Assalamualaikum.

Panjang panjang kan doa utk insan yg menaip post nih sebab serius dia sakit. Penyakit yang doktor sendiri takde ubat nya. Cintakan dunia, Wahn. Innalillah.

It was ashamed to admit, but yeah it is the real feeling I feel at the moment. Terasa jauh dengan Pencipta.

Super upset bila diri diuji utk beramal dgn apa yg pernah disampai kan mahupun apa yg terdetik di hati terhadap org sekeliling.

Ironi nya seorang manusia, struggle to be acknowledge by bosses tapi bab ibadat wajib lek lek jea. Kau hamba siapa weh?! Marah nih. Tapi lebih marah kat diri sendiri. Serius. SENDIRI. Readers jgn kecik hati pls (Acah lagi)

Sungguh, lebih menakutkan bila diberi kesibukan dgn sesuatu yg melalaikan/tak memberi manfaat. Tanda tanda tuh. (Kuis kuis kaki)

If I am walking away, I wish to stop walking now. If I go nowhere, let me walk to the right way.

Fuhh, indeed I was walking back home from office. Penat berjalan. Harap penat yg tak sia sia 😊

Okay, time to settle down. Doa kan hamba yg lemah. Wsalam.

So, what we got?

Assalamualaikum. Salam (tak kira berapa) Syawal. Maka berlalu lah sudah sebulan berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan. Juga berlalu lah sudah cuti den selama dua minggu. Ini sedih sobs. Tapi lagi super sedih, apa khabar iman kita selepas pergi nya Ramadhan?

Are we good after Ramadhan? I mean, do we change for better or remain the same or become worst (Nauzubillah). Moga tak tergolong dlm mereka yg rugi/celaka. Yg mana hari ini lebih teruk dari semalam.

But then, jujur jugak, diri yg menaip nih pun masih penuh lopak lopak baik dari iman, amalan dan hati. Ugly truth.

So, apa tarbiah yg kita dapat sepanjang bulan Ramadhan, yg terpahat di sanubari setelah muncul nya Syawal?

#1 Solat Sunat Qabliah (Sebelum) Subuh?
- moga tak zalim pada diri sampai Subuh pun ter-qada'

#2 Baca Quran sampai berbuih mulut? (Jgn lurus pls, buih mulut tuh maksud nya byk pages lah haha)
- nak complete satu surah Kahfi setiap malam Jumaat pun semput, hmm

and the list continues.

Memalam macam nih, terfikir benda macam nih, make me wonder, siapa yg menjauh sebenar nya? Susah nyaaaa nak latih iman, at least maintain kan hmm.

Come across a verse from Surah As-Shaff,

"Wahai orang-orang beriman! Kenapa kamu mengata kan sesuatu yg tidak kamu kerja kan." (61:2)

Ntahhh, terasa macam kena tampar secara halus jea ayat nih. Supaya beringat, utk amal kan setiap apa yg di sampai kan. Kan, ilmu tanpa amal ibarat pokok tanpa buah. Tapi pokok masih memberi manfaat walaupun takde buah. Kalau manusia? Thats what we called, SEMBANG.

Moga kita kita berusaha menjadi pokok yg berbuah (tapi kalau boleh jadi kaktus, nak kaktus -- boleh simpan air hihi).

Taqaballahu minna wa minkum.

Moga ditenang kan hati, utk terima kenyataan cuti dah habissssss, nangis.

Too near yet being forgetten

Assalamualaikum. Salam sahur.

Alhamdulillah masih diberi kesempatan utk berada dalam pertengahan Ramadhan. Dah nak masuk fasa 10 Ramadhan terakhir yang mana sepatut nya amalan/ibadat lebih meningkat dan pulun. Jujurnya, masih in the slow pace. Sobs. Mohon doakan agar Ramadhan kita kali nih pergi bukan dalam keadaan sia sia. Takde jaminan bertemu Ramadhan dalam tahun depan kan.

Minggu nih saje dikejut kan dengan dua kematian. I don't know them personally but I know their existence. Paling terkesan bila mana kedua kedua nya dalam usia yang mana too-young-to-realize (muda kata mudahnya). They both were sick. But their struggles and strength, I am amazed. Kadang org yg sakit nih lebih kuat semangat nya dari org yg sihat tubuh badan (I talked to myself, hmm). Kurang syukur mungkin, (istighfar).

I believe in any situations happened, Allah is teaching me something. If only we think of it (in a good way please). Indeed, yesterday I over read an ayat of Surah Al-Ankabut, which related to death.

"Every soul must taste of death, then to Us you shall brought back." (57:29)

Since that, we know that we are not belonged to this World but do we really interpret that in our daily lives?

Do we concern about performing prayer on time or to complete work first (obviously won't be completed)?
Do we concern about our deeds (amalan) more or what to eat for lunch/dinner/supper later?
Do we concern about our inner beauty/strength more or what supplement/skincares best to consume for physical beauty/strength?
Are we able to spend at least 3digits of money, give to charity and less spending on shopping monthly?

Some of the questions for me (and you, if applicable) to reflect.

I am still far way. Hope not too far. And still walking towards Him regardless how slow or terrible my walking is.

Moga dipanggil bertemu Pencipta dalam keadaan yg diredhai & husnul khatimah, Aamin.
Moga nafsu turut kuat berpuasa dalam baki 15hari Ramadhan. Annoy jugak lah dengan diri sendiri kalau kalah dgn nafsu. Yelah, sementara takde intermediary nih, this is the best time untuk latih nafsu.

To gear up, insyaAllah. Moga dijodohkan malam Lailatul Qadr ❤ (spreading loves)

Just because I miss

Assalamualaikum and salam Ramadhan.

Alhamdulillah masih diberi kesempatan utk bertemu Ramadhan buat kali ke duploh (tambah beberapa digit). Ramadhan kali nih lebih mencabar dari segi masa dan tenaga. Moga amalan dlm bulan Ramadhan tak kurang dek kesibukan atau kekangan masa kerja. Sedih kot jadi tapisan Allah. Lagi sedih bilamana disibukkan dgn dunia, hmm.

Alhamdulillah dah dua malam terawih. Yang seronok bila terawih berjemaah kat masjid atau surau nih, ialah dapat perati gerak geri orang. Belajar dari sekeliling. Refleks diri.

As for tonight, I was so touched dgn satu family nih. A married couple with 3sons. Kecil kecil lagi anak nya. Tapi dididik utk berbuka di masjid and berdoa sebelum waktu berbuka. The sweetest part in my eyes was the moment ayah nya doa kan sorang sorang anak nya, and anak nya dengar the doa. May Allah bless the family ❤

Masjid I went nih, makan kuih jea as juadah berbuka. After solat Maghrib baru makan nasi. So time nak makan nasi tuh, kebetulan (I believe there is no coincidence) kami semeja dgn sorang adik nih. Selipar nya diambil orang. Kami yg tak bersalah pun terasa bahang cuak nya sbb her jelingan serius lah tajam (terbayang bayang lagi nih). Her words and actions portrayed that she was totally annoyed. Forgot to mention, she came over with her family. And her mom was also semeja with us. So that might be the reason she can potray her annoyance. Dlm macam tuh, her mom tetap pujuk her to jamah makan and sit beside her walhal bukan salah mak nya pun kan.

Gosh, that makes me rindu Ibu badly. Remind me those days yg aku merajuk due to merepek and tak-patut-merajuk-pun-kot reasons. I was so pelik. Ehh till now I'm still pelik but lesser kot haha.

Mohon doa kan moga dapat balik awal every working days, so sempat berbuka kat masjid. And moga tak disibukkan dgn kerja yg tak sudah (come on, I got life).

Note: To those who care, moga tak lupa to include my name in ur doa ❤

Moga kita semua dijodohkan dgn Lailatul Qadr, Aamiin.

Tahu tapi Lupa

Assalamualaikum. Dah berlalu sebulan sebelas hari untuk 2017. Checked list of Azam 2017, rasa macam sayu sendiri sebab masih ada yg tak mampu buat. Moga sempat buat sebelum masuk 2018. Doakan please :)

For past week, my emotions were so bad. Unstable, sbb stress. Stress dgn manusia. Tuh kan kita mmg tak kan pernah mampu nak puas kan hati manusia. Kalau perhargaan manusia yg kita carik, parah lah emosi. Since aku sedar yg our main purpose hidup bukan utk raih perhatian mahupun perhargaan manusia, aku jarang nak take port anything yg results nya ditentukan oleh manusia. Ayat macam pening kan. Contoh mudah nya, buat sesuatu semata nak tackle hati boss ke bakal mak mertua ke (Eh! Tapi mak mertua macam perlu jea tackle haha)

Walaupun aku jarang take port, still aku alami stress phase bila mana aku kena deal dgn seseorg yg lebih lebih tidak stabil emosi nya. Berat nya didikan Allah kali nih.

Alhamdulillah minggu nih balik Ipoh, and of course the best thing bila balik Ipoh selain dapat makan, ialah part berkongsi segala dari hati kat Ibu. Ibu is being ibu. Kata kata yg penuh tusukan yet it is truth. Walaupun pahit utk dihadam.

Ibu kata, "Takkan lah Allah tak nampak, tak tahu apa yg kalong alami. Mesti bersebab kenapa Allah tempat kan kalong kat situ. Mesti bersebab jugak kenapa Allah izin kan orang tuh layan kalong macam tuh. Allah kalau nak tune hati sesorang, tak mustahil. Segarang garang manusia pun boleh berlemah lembut bila deal dgn kita. Kuasa Allah. Mengadu kat Allah. Dia Pemilik segala hati." Sayu. Sebab Allah tak pernah menjauh. Tapi kita?

Indeed, hari Rabu baru baru nih, since I was alone while waiting for Angah to pick me up and balik Ipoh, Allah sent a love letter. Suit well for my current situation at that moment. Dipujuk pujuk hati yg lemah nih.

Love letter nya;

"Ya Tuhan kami, limpahkanlah kesabaran kepada kami, kukuhkanlah langkah kami dan tolonglah kami menghadapi orang-orang kafir." (2:250)

Moga terus dipinjam kan kekuatan. W'Alam.

Halaman Baru

Assalamualaikum. First post on the first day of 2017. Alhamdulillah hampir 23 tahun hidup di muka bumi.

Alhamdulillah, Izzati survived!

Thank you 2016. I ve been through quite lots of unexpected, unpredictable and changes phase in my sweet tweenty-two. Finished my degree > Did my second internship > Participate ICMGTS14 (meeting new friends who are currently I attach to, sorry haha) > Convocation > Secure myself a job (wait, secure ke hmm?)

Tapi.....
I still couldn't find any achievements that I am proud of to present to my Creator soon. Sadis. After all, the achievements I achieved may be meaningless. Why? Just because. Meh.

In 2016,
How much effort have I put to improve myself to be a better Muslimah?
Did I sacrife anything (time, money, energy) to keep myself in Allah's path?
Was I a grateful, devoted creature?

(For me to reflect back)

But then, Alhamdulillah Allah still grants chances over chances for me to keep improving myself. So yeahh, all the best for me and you (if any haha) to face another year ahead.

Allah yuftah alaikum. Moga kita semua sentiasa berada di dalam zilal cinta-Nya.